Sunday, 23 June 2013

Silver linings.

It's a typical Sunday for me, unfolding as they usually do. The skies are looking ominously grey and moody, the rain is only appearing subdued for a short period. Usual tequila-shaped hangovers are strangely not hanging in the air, so it's a bit weird. A sense of regret. A weird feeling of nervousness sits waiting in the pit of my stomach, like a lion about to break out of a cage. It's only ever summer for a few weeks of the year in the North East, and this year seems no different. The big yellow thing in the sky has done a disappearing act yet again, and everyone is waiting longingly and perhaps, urgently, for its immediate return. I feel life my life has been wrapped in so much turmoil since I blogged last, yet can be excused with an over-exaggerated shrug of the shoulders, too many vodkas and bad decisions. Chipped nails, sore feet and moody faces. Anger, upset and someone shouting "how could you?!" Days like this are overrated. I'm only happy because of the typical Sunday practise, of dinner with my family at my Grandma Juney's. This always happens, so it's quite a comforting release usually. Forgetting everything going on in my life, any problems or quarreling go sharply out of the nearest open window, and relaxation and laughter are welcomed in.

I've admitted on more than one occasion that I'm a pessimistic person. This is unbelievably true. With everything going on at the minute, I got to thinking; maybe sometimes, the grey skies and the blurry edges are sometimes all you can see. That a silver lining is just actually a stupid way of looking at a grey cloud, and that no matter how much you hope, the rain will still pour. You can only get screwed over so many times before you start to think that maybe that's just you. Maybe everyone else isn't the fuck-up types, and actually, you're the root of your own problem. Maybe, just maybe, your 'bad day' isn't something you want to shrug off. You want to hide in your room, close the doors, get under the bed covers, and cry until you fall asleep. You want to turn off your phone and turn up the volume on the television, and pig out, and not care what anyone else thinks, because sometimes, you need to put yourself and your own needs first. Not every sky has a sun peeking out of from behind the clouds, not every situation can be dealt with using a positive outlook and a cheshire-cat sized grin, and in my book, not every cloud really does have a silver lining.

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