Friday, 21 June 2013

Stand by me.

You may not always trust my decisions, share my thoughts or understand my reasoning, but that isn't the point. That's not what I'm asking you to do. That's not what I expect you to do. I don't understand everything going on in your life, but at the same time, you don't know the full extent of the events in mine. That isn't because I don't share things, because in fact, I'm the total opposite. I tell everything to the people I trust most. However, I do believe that there are certain things that no one, except you can know or understand. Your  real emotions and desires, your insecurities, your personal preferences that just aren't sometimes things you want to share. The things that make you who you are. I've been thinking lately, however comfortable you feel around someone else, I don't believe anyone is completely themselves around anyone, but instead, merely in their own company. Behind closed doors, I suppose.

As I sit here, in my room, with the curtains drawn and the door closed, I know this too well. My family, mostly, aren't even aware I keep a blog, (if it is in fact what you do, to "keep" a blog) as I like to think it's private. A way to let off steam and put my own thoughts and passions out there, perhaps things I don't always want to share with immediate loved ones. So, sometimes, I guess it's hard to understand another person's psyche, what really makes them tick, what they wake up and want to live for, even if you try to put yourself in their shoes. After all, you can squash yourself into my little size fives, but it doesn't mean they'll fit you like they fit me. It wouldn't be comfortable. It would be suffocating and infuriating and down-right wrong. You don't wear anyone else's shoes in the same way as you cannot live someone else's life, no matter how much you'd like to from time to time.

All I want, is for my loved ones; my family and friends, to always (I hope) stand by me, even when they may disagree with my decisions and choices. Maybe I'm not going down the typical career path, or studying what you'd like me to be, or perhaps I do tend to make irrational decisions, but that's okay, because, they are my decisions to make, and if/when they seem to become mistakes, that's alright too, as they are my mistakes; they are my burden to bare, not yours. So don't lose sleep over my mistakes, because I'll warn you, you'd spend too much time awake, and that's unhealthy. I love that you all care, but sometimes, it's okay to step back, it's acceptable to shrug off my choices or even tell me you think I've made a terrible mess. It's all okay for me, as long as I know one thing at the end of the day. That no matter how bad my life gets, no matter how many times I repeat a mistake or do something stupid, that you, my lovely lot, will stand by me.

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