One's company.

From the mundane to the insane, we all have our days. It's no secret that one of my not-so-guilty pleasures is disappearing. Not literally. Just socially. While usually, I love nothing more than to surround myself with friends, people who make me laugh, finish my sentences and are willing to publicly embarrass themselves along with me. Sometimes, I like being on my own. My own company soothes me from time to time. Disappearing into a boxset, a season of whatever the latest addiction is: (Grey's, Private Practise, Downton, anything...) or even just a good book, that time I spend on my own and in my own company is something I cherish. Whether I need personal headspace or just a breather from constant social interactions and commitments to just have time on my lonesome, it's important. To write, read or simply zone out, I like my own company at times. To be able to ignore my phone, lock the door and just chill. Sometimes, I think people take it personally, my absence is mistaken for ignorance, my silence for anger or resentment. It's none of those things, well, not usually. If I'm angry or upset or down, I tend to shout about it, unless it's something very close to my heart, in which, I'll deal with privately. There are some things I've never ever said to anyone. Some things I don't want a response from, so I never say because it's sometimes tainted by someone else's interpretation. That's the same with my writing. There are one or two pieces of writing I probably will never share publicly, due to them being so important to me, and yet, so private at the same time. So if I suddenly go off the radar for a few hours, or a few days, don't worry. I'll be just recharging my batteries or something. If I don't contact you, contact me, I'm not being ignorant, maybe I've just got too much going on to have time. If you need me, I'll be there, whether it's snowing and I've got no make up on, or you're drunk and not making any sense. I'm only as absent as I need to be. I'll always sacrifice my own needs for someone close to me, it's just what I do. Quiet time doesn't last, so just bare with me. Likelihood is, I'm having the time of my life. 

Ignorance is bliss.

I love this quote. I love everything about Richard Yates Revolutionary Road since I studied it for my A-level Literature coursework. It's very quotable. If you haven't read it, you must. Ignore the film, minus the very brilliant Leo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet reunion. It's too dark to enjoy, and all the best bits of the dialogue appear wooden and unfeeling. 

Anyway, back to the matter at hand. As you can read, it's ignorance. It's well known that while I'm a very sociable, people-person, I absolutely need my own space to breath. There is, in my mind, nothing better than being able to shut my bedroom door, and close the world out from time to time when everything seems to get too much. Too aggravating. Simply too loud. I never ever ever turn my phone off, and while I'm the easiest person in the world to get in touch with, there are times when I wish it was harder for people to contact me. Sometimes, I need to be left alone. To my own devices. To just watch a film, have a coffee or read a book. Love for my own space is actually one of the reasons why I didn't move out for Uni. First year kind of makes sense, you move out to get to know people, make friends, and sometimes, enemies. To get to experience the independence, the campus, and rolling in at 7am without worrying about disturbing your now-very-pissed-off relatives. But for me, all of this was overridden by something else. A need for something you just can't have. Alone-time. Second year is the same. A few friends suggested moving out, getting a flat and living together. But money was not the only factor holding me back. I like my own space. I like to be able to live away from my friends. I get irritated easily. So, in my book, ignorance sometimes is blissful. 

It's peaceful and relaxing, sometimes. It's nice, in my opinion, to be able to escape other peoples dramas and lives, and just live your own, in your own company. Maybe I'm weird. I don't know. Let me know, are you like this too? I want to know.

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@eleanorward_