Distraction tactics.

Today, for the first time in what seems like forever, I picked up my laptop, opened Blogger and found myself needing to write. Inspired may not be the word I would choose. Instead, I had the urge to write through my mixed-up emotions in my head. The reason I actually started blogging in the first place. For ages now, it's felt like I've neglected my writing, and more specifically my love for writing. My relationship with words has been rocky, tumultuous, strained. I've had too much work to do for uni, too much stress and weight on my shoulders, and after days of my head being filled with workloads and textbook theory, I grew resentful of the words I had to write, rather than the ones I enjoyed, and chose to use.

This isn't to say that I haven't written anything in a while. I always write. I write myself notes at 2 in the morning when I wake up with cold feet and a restless feeling in my chest. I type out thoughts and musings on my phone in the 'Notes' bit, just to get my emotions down, rather than being solely in my head. I send my boyfriend, and a few of my friends, huge, convoluted paragraphs of my thought processes, writing ideas, and just general ramblings.

Today, I feel the need to write things down. There's a lot going on that my head can't quite fathom, so writing and mumbling into the vast sphere of the internet appears to be my chosen coping mechanism. Let's just hope this all works. Let's just hope this all works out.

Blind hope.

You're laughing and joking and making plans, for the weekend, and the summer, and the future, and then suddenly life throws another curveball and everyone just stands there, looking at it, like, 'SHIT.' 

I am lying in bed, cocooned in my quilt, and I can't shift the attitude that life just isn't fair. Certain individuals seem to be handed the worst of hands, and it doesn't seem right, or okay, or fair at all. With crossed fingers and toes, tense chests and heavy hearts, we hope things turn out okay. There is no other option, nothing else we can bare to entertain. This is the only outcome we can fathom, so no pressure, SCRATCH THAT, all the pressure in the world is on your shoulders, because after all, even Duffy Moon can do it.