'And your favourite is...?'

In case you don't know already, I'm a Literature student. About to embark (ha!) on my third and final year of my degree. I may have learnt a lot so far, and have more still to come, but there's always one question that will stump me when it's directed my way. 

"What is your favourite book/novel?" 

I sit, my expression blank, my hands going clammy. My eyes darting around the room, and really, exploring the darkest crevices in my imagination. I've read hundreds of books, that's a given. I don't ever tend to read a novel more than once, unless it's for revision purposes, i.e. By force rather than choice. So when someone asks me which is my preferred book of all time, I don't know what to say. 

It's problematic. I could be literary and cliché and slump for Fitzgerald's Gatsby, or Pride and Prejudice because okay, it's kind of brilliant. I could drift back to Joanna Nadin's brilliant series I've been following for about six years: Rachel Riley, although then I can't pick one. I could voice my appreciation for Bram Stoker's Dracula and watch people's eyes devour my hint: the dark stuff excites me. So, maybe I can't pick one. Or two, or even three. But here are aome books, off the top of my head, that I will continue to recommend to others; 

Wuthering Heights - Emily Brontë

the End of Alice- A.M Homes, 

We Need to Talk About Kevin- Lionel Shriver, 

100 Reasons Why- Jay Asher, 

Looking For Alaska- John Green, Revolutionary Road- Richard Yates, Lolita- Vladamir Nabokov, 

JUNK- Melvin Burgess, 

Candy- Kevin Brooks, 

Just Listen- Sarah Dessen,

Jekyll and Hyde- R. L Stephenson,

The Dinner- Herman Koch,

One Day- David Nicholls,

Summer House with Swimming Pool- Herman Koch,

The Fault in Our Stars- John Green, 

The Post-Birthday World- Lionel Shriver,

The Shock of The Fall- Nathan Filer,

Black Rabbit Summer- Kevin Brooks,

Paper Towns- John Green,

Nine Uses For An Ex-Boyfriend- Sarra Manning,

Room- Emma Donoghue,

and one I'm currently reading; 

Follow Me Down by Tanya Byrne.

Any book recommendations I welcome with open arms and wide eyes, the stranger, darker, weirder, the better. Also, total black comedic elements are my favourite. Moody novels, good conversations and tension. 

Book #4: Will Grayson, Will Grayson.

The fifth and final John Green book I have read. I admit, I was dubious. Picking up this novel, I had already set it on a pretty high pedestal, and was worried it wouldn't follow suit. Thankfully, I was wrong. Will Grayson, Will Grayson follows the lives of two separate characters who share the same name, but very different lifestyles, until they miraculously, and somewhat weirdly, meet. I'm not entirely sure what I should, can or will say about this book. It left me speechless and smiling profusely.

I've said it before, and it's very likely I'll say it again, John Green is a literary genius. And I don't say that lightly. I mean, okay, I do tend to gush over books I like. But not without reason. And this time, I definitely have a reason to be gushing. Whereas I seemed to struggle to get into An Abundance of Katherines or Looking for Alaska, this one was different. While Will Grayson, Will Grayson deals with some really deep, meaningful topics, it's done so in a way that educates the reader, rather than making them feel really depressed. I mean, okay, I won't lie, it's very dark in places, but aren't all the best books? (See: We Need to Talk about Kevin.)

I mean, it depends what you're looking for in a book, I suppose. If you pick up WGWG expecting a weird mystery combined with a flowery love story, you best put it down and walk away immediately. It is not like that. At all. If you're looking for something dripping with happiness and laughter, maybe dare to read it. A very witty, very cleverly written novel. A new style from John Green, especially the dialogue. His characters are extremely loveable, especially Tiny (who you'll discover quite quickly in the book) and somewhat later, Jane. A book I never stopped laughing at, even with it's dark bits. It, I suppose, is a black comedy in a page. Very, very funny, as long as you are able to laugh at such serious topics every once in a while.

Intensely connected with society, life and difference. A book that should, not only inspire but educate it's readers. A book to open your mind, and hopefully, your heart, to everything and everyone. (In a lighter sense, obviously.) The characters are very loveable, even if you hate them sometimes. Also, probably one of Green's most shocking novels. You really won't see it coming.

I don't want to give too much away, so I think I'll leave it there. Pick it up, ignore the blurb, you'll be pleasantly surprised. Oh, and you'll probably, like me, wish you'd written it.

Book #3: An Abundance of Katherines.

As I sit here, the wind whistling violently through the gap under my bedroom door and the remnants of a cup of coffee perched beside me, I think I'm experiencing too many emotions all at once. With a too-heavy copy of Norton's Anthology of English Literature placed offensively in front of me, I feel the guilt welling up inside of me like a dormant little monster. But then, I realise where my interests lie, and forget all of that, as I've just finished reading another one of John Green's masterpieces. This time, it's AAOK, or, as it is formally published, An Abundance of Katherines. A title that speaks a thousand words. It really couldn't have been christened anything else. My supposedly guilt-ridden shoulders were, just a few hours previous, practically hugging my Kindle, the home of so many of my latest reads, including the latest, AAOK.

This being the fourth of five John Green books I would have read, I was excited, yet kind of nervous. My expectations were very high, the bar had already been set, and I was terribly afraid that a man whose writing I had come to love may just plummet in expectations, as soon as these pages began to be flicked through. However, to my utmost pleasure, I was wrong. At first, I struggled to get into it, as I was far too preoccupied with this novel living up to my skyscraper-like expectations, that I momentarily forgot how to just disappear into a story, get emotionally attached to the characters, and experience a journey through a new set of eyes. Once I'd got past my own awkwardness, An Abundance of Katherines was everything I wanted it to be. I have this theory, that every John Green book is the same yet different. There's always something new brought to the table. While each one of his novels combines emotion with astounding characters and a great deal of cold-hard-reality, (a bit like Kevin Brooks, yet not as brutal) each one has something that a previous lacks. That is, not to say, that I believe, any of Green's books 'lack' a sense of je ne sais quoi. (Sorry, I just had to interject that to prove to myself that my French failure of an A-level was not, despite my results, a total flop!)

Anyway, what I'm trying, and somewhat failing at explaining is, that in my opinion, John Green's books are in some ways, worlds apart, yet still interlinked. There are aspects of Alaska Young echoed in Margo, and Augustus Waters and Colin Singleton may possibly become friends in another life. While all of his characters go on both physical and emotional journeys, perhaps none as much so as the protagonist in my latest read. Colin Singleton, (yes names are very significant here) has had a history of past girlfriends, aptly all named, yes, you've guessed it, Katherine. Coincidental, funny and down-right amusing, Colin's journey to, and from, Chicago, his former life, and the emotions he is constantly tied down by, is one never short of humour or interest to readers. A very likeable, surprisingly relatable character, Colin echoes Ross Geller, with his almost-unbelievable chain of divorces, and the loathsome self-pity that somehow translates into hilarity.

I can't actually say much about this book, I don't want to spoil it for anyone. It's yet another piece of Green's brilliant writing. The dialogue never fails to be witty, and it is probably one of the most intelligently written books I've discovered in a long time. I'll keep this brief, so, just pick it up. You'll be pleasantly surprised, and take note, there are morals to this story unlike any other.

Book #1: Paper Towns

I chose this cover, as the one with the girl on the front, 

well, I just refuse to believe that's my Margo.

Just like I promised, this is my first installment in my 100 book list. I'm armed with coffee and Comedy Central's constant repeating of Friends, so this is seeming successful. I thought I'd kick it off with a piece from one of my favourite authors ever, a Mr John Green. Having previously read a few of his works; Looking For Alaska and The Fault In Our Stars, to say I approached Paper Towns with a mixture of enthusiasm, excitement and apprehension would be putting it mildly.While I absolutely adored LFA and TFIOS, I wasn't completely sure that Paper Towns would cut the literary mustard. 

Of course, it did. I from the moment I opened it on my Kindle, to the last line, I was utterly enthralled in Paper Towns in a way I never even was with the previous novels. The story follows protagonist Q or Quentin, a senior at high school, who is head-over-heels in love with his next-door neighbour, Margo Roth Spiegelman, a flighty, crazy, socialite, who attends the same school. While they were previously friends and 'playdates' when younger, one night changes everything and their friendship is rekindled in an unimaginable yet brilliant way. Applause for Green's brilliance here, it's well deserved.


A book I'd been told so much about, without giving any of the plot-line away, I had been recommended it so many times, I thought I better embrace the love, and I definitely have. It stars Quentin and Margo, an unlikely yet very successful duo, along with so many other characters, who all have their special place in my heart, for positive or negative reasons, as will become clear once (or if, rather) you read it. This includes Lacey (Margo's sort-of best friend) and Q's partners in crime; geeky yet funny Radar and playful, stroppy and secretly sweet Ben.

Without spoiling an awful lot, this is what you should expect from Paper Towns. More metaphors than you can shake a stick at. Lots of high school drama. An incredible group of characters. Hundreds of hilarious moments, and some definite tear-jerking ones! Too many practical jokes that actually never get old, and the unforgettable journey that this whole novel is wrapped in, both physically, emotionally and metaphorically. A book to make you laugh, cry and not want to sleep until you've finished it. A coming-of-age novel about so much more than high school. A novel that is not intentionally for children, as it features adult topics, and very true to life. Margo and Q's characters are so well thought-out that I actually felt like I knew them personally. Gush gush gush, I know, you're probably gagging a bit. But it is, as I've said, one of the best books I've read in a long time, and, surprisingly, I'd have to say, my new favourite book by John Green. A book that keeps you guessing, a New York Times Bestseller and ultimately, a must-read for anyone who is already, or is looking to be, a huge fan of the legend that is John Green.

Texts that changed my life.

I've actually just realised that for a Literature student, I don't blog an awful lot about novels/books/scripts/plays, and I think I probably should, considering that some of my major influences are writers, novelists and authors. There isn't a feeling like it, opening a new book, carefully folding it's spine as not to damage it's insides, and revealing something spectacular. Ever read something that you believe changed your life? I have. I'm always reading things I think change me, for the best or the worst, but still affect me. I truly believe that a book that doesn't change or affect you in some way, isn't worth reading. There's only a handful of books I've ever started to read, and suddenly put down, thrown to the other side of the room, and not finished, ever. Not that these books weren't good pieces of literature in their own right, because of course they probably were, it's just, to me, they weren't what I look for in a book. I look for escapism, the ability to become so enthralled in a novel, that everything else goes out of focus. You can't think about anything else, you can't sleep or function until you find out what the pages are going to reveal. 

So, what are my favourite books you may wonder? I have quite a few, for obvious different reasons. I really do not have a genre I lean towards, well, not usually. I'm a bit of a sucker for a romance, but it has to be deep, capturing every one of your senses, nothing superficial or dull or overly lovey-dovey. I also tend to read what most people would consider very strange books. Anything with a weird storyline, something different, unusual, uncanny (to quote my supposed reading material for uni.) If someone asks me what my favourite book is, I tend to become cagey and weird. It's like I'm giving up a part of my soul, as some people will hear a title and either roll their eyes or begin gushing, and that may be fine, in one sense, but I don't like it. I don't like the fact that there are already made assumptions behind the identity of a novel or a particular writer. The judgements that no text can ever fully escape. Despite this, when I tell someone the names of my favourite novels, I want to grab them by their wrist before they have chance to walk away, and explain my reasons behind my choices. Slightly OCD, probably, but at least someone walks away knowing that I love a book for one particular quote, or a characters' identity, or the full circle of the narrative.

Let's reveal all. My ultimate favourites are as follows. Of course, F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby is probably one of the few novels I could read a million times and not get sick of it. It's 1920's glam lifestyle, wrapped in debauchery, riches and extravagance, including a very messy love triangle over a decade, some very questionable morals and a true, and perhaps, tainted, insight into what Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald's life was really like. The bright lights, the prohibition and the scarily-real underworld in the Roaring Twenties in America. Also, a must read for anyone and everyone. A novel to change your life. Discard any former judgements you have around J.K Rowling, all the stereotypical bullshit surrounding her ability to "only write for children" because, in fact, she may have been cleverly hiding behind such a persona for years. The release of her first adult novel, The Casual Vacancy, specifically intended for an older readership, excited me probably more than it should have. I was very intrigued to see how daring and bloody and brilliant this woman was, when it came to writing gritty novels. I won't include a horrific amount of spoilers, because I always kind of hate that, I'll just say, Ms Rowling did not disappoint. A book I bought on my Dad's kindle, and literally didn't leave my room until I'd finished every single page of it. It's blindingly wrapped in deception, but it's so painfully true it kind of broke my heart. A novel not for anyone looking for a sequel to the Harry Potter phase, because, I cannot stress enough, this book is certainly NOT for children. It's an eye-opener, so pick it up. 

Thirdly, another very different novel. Sarra Manning's Unsticky. A girly book if there ever was such a thing. A fabulously apt-named novel, probably aimed at adults, but I think I read it first when I was about 16. One young woman's journey from a job she hates to one she never ever thought she'd do, for reasons that become very obviously clear as you read on. A hilariously funny, heart-wrenching, sexy, brilliant novel, by a writer I have so much admiration for. Her best work, in my eyes. Girls, this is a definite one for you. Fourth would be a masterpiece, by the very well-known John Green. Actually sod it, it's two-in-one. You all need to read these. They are so different, yet have some tell-tale Green traits in them, secretly, buried in their crisp pages, strong topics and powerful characters. Between Looking for Alaska and The Fault In Our Stars (frequently stylized as TFIOS) I think I cried enough tears to put my house under water. Full of real emotion, with some brilliant characters and very carefully structured narratives. If you love a good cry, pick one (or both) of these up at your nearest Waterstones. Immediately.

Some other brilliant reads, are as follows;

Kevin Brooks' Candy and Black Rabbit Summer. Very gritty, very real, very very Brooks' style.

Lionel Shriver's We Need to Talk about Kevin. Witty, pure brilliance meets pure evil. Life-changing. My A-level Literature teacher introduced me to this, and I was even allowed to abandon my coursework to finish it!

Sarah Dessen's Just Listen. Echoing the importance of love, life and sticking together like glue. Fabulous.

David Nicholls' One Day. The film was good, but the novel is the most wonderful thing ever. Em and Dex!

Richard Yates' Revolutionary Road. Classic. Passionate. Violent. Everything you could ever want. Wow.

Bram Stoker's Dracula. A novel I have just recently read for my Uni course, and to my surprise, was one of the wittiest, well-thought out book I've ever had the pleasure of feasting my eyes on. Slash your first impressions, it's an awful lot more than an eerie version of the Twilight series. It's deep stuff. (Check out my fave, Van Helsing!)

Edward Albee's Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? One of the first plays I'd ever read, and was not disappointed. Albee's most famous and most recognised work in his entire life. Wonderfully hilarious, the fun and games hide a thousand dirty secrets, and some fabulous one-liners. One to make you cry with laughter. Also, I never say this, but the film starring Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor is epic. A piece of theatre that you'd think was wrote with Richard and Elizabeth in mind. It's their tumultuous relationship on paper.

Oscar Wilde's The Importance of Being Earnest- a piece of theatre I loved from the moment I set eyes on it. The witty title, the overly extravagant characters, the exquisitely brilliant dialogue. You couldn't ever ask for more from a play. Wilde at his most hilarious and most astounding.

So, these are a few of my major inspirations.

What are yours? I'd really love to know. Any recommendations are obviously welcome.

Now, I really have to go and get ready. I'm off to see, (I can't believe I'm saying this!) finally! The Great Gatsby. Cue lots of grins, and even more tears. 

FLAPPER DRESSES AT THE READY.

Always ours, Molly.

This post is well overdue, but there’s a very good reason. To say I’ve had a bad few days would be a huge understatement. I’ve deliberated writing this since Wednesday, but didn’t have the strength or the mental capacity to deal with what I felt I must say. This post isn’t for anyone else. It’s for me. It’s for my own mind. My own satisfaction. My own way of coping. I don’t care what anyone else thinks. Very recently, we lost our family dog, Molly. I won’t go into the details, but we had to make the decision to end her suffering, the hardest thing we’ve ever had to do. She was more than a dog, by far, she was part of our family. Loved, cherished, and deeply missed.

I’m writing this because I don’t know what else to do. For anyone who may come across this and dare to utter/think “she was just a dog” then fuck you, because frankly, your opinion doesn’t matter to me. Whether this is articulate or not, I won’t comment on. If no one else reads this, that’s fine by me, because it’s my own.

Anyway, I got to thinking, amidst the crying and harsh silences, about grief. It’s a funny thing. Everyone reacts differently, but there’s always a similar feeling. The loss is unbearable. You don’t know how to react. Are you supposed to cry, or do you keep yourself busy? Do you talk about it? Do you forget and move on? There’s no right answer when it comes to losing someone you love. The excruciating numbness, as if you want to pinch yourself and wake up from a horrendous nightmare. That empty, painful feeling in the pit of your stomach, that makes you not want to eat or sleep or even think. You’ve got nothing to say but you can’t stop thinking.

Over the last few days, I’ve felt so down, so lost. Hours afterwards, I never spoke to anyone. Never uttered a single word, looked on Facebook or Twitter and turned off my phone. It suddenly didn’t matter what kind of support system I had (an amazing group of friends, all ready to console me) because when something like that happens, there is no consolation. There is absolutely nothing that anyone can say to make you feel better. I got to the point where I didn’t want to feel better, I wanted to cry, and scream and lock myself in my room in the dark and be able to turn off my brain and my emotions and just sit there, staring into nothingness. I wanted to be out of myself, I wanted to be someone else, or anyone other than me, someone who wasn’t feeling these feelings, or going through these things.

In a word, these last three days have been horrific. No matter what people say to you, to try and help, it doesn’t. I’d never wish this on even my worst enemy. Deafening silence seems to haunt every step you take. Your family are all in some sort of bubble, this is the only topic of conversation (not that anyone really speaks.) Everyone feels the same yet so different at the same time. The house feels emptier without you. I catch myself forgetting for a split second, then silently cursing myself for doing so. I walk through the door expecting you to greet me, and when you don’t, my heart plummets. It seemed so sudden, so soon. I’m still getting to grips with it all, even if it is reluctantly. I never want to forget you, and I don’t think there’s any chance you ever will be forgotten.

For anyone suffering right now, loss, grief, loneliness. I know how you feel. The agonising feeling of wanting everything to be how it was before. The sacrifices you’d make for their return. The sheer enormity of the hole left behind, that will never be filled. You wish for one more chance, one more day, one more smile, but not for now at least.