Private Practise.

Okay, I never really do this, but today, right now, I am. Evidently. Sorry, that was deadly obvious. Literally, seconds ago, I watched the last ever aired episode of Private Practise. It's kind of broke my heart, and left my chest with a gaping grief-ridden chasm where all my favourite characters used to be. For anyone who doesn't know, Private Practise is a US medical drama, originally marketed as a spin-off from Shonda Rhimes' very successful Grey's Anatomy. I first started watching Grey's by accident, but then, I fell into the trap. Someone mentioned Private Practise and I just became obsessed. More intimate than its counterpart based in Seattle, Private Practise is set in sunny, dreamy LA, where the sun always shines, and there's a constant backlog of patients for the doctors involved.

I won't give anything really away, because I hate it when people do that. With a PASSION. There's nothing worse than someone who is very adamant that they need to spoil your favourite television programme for you. I could stab those people in the eyes with very sharp pencils, and they still wouldn't get their just deserts. All I'll say is this, it's more than worth a watch. It will draw you in almost immediately. The storylines are brilliantly written, the characters are unbelievably well thought out, and honestly, I've seen every single episode, and each one leaves me with a different feeling, and yet, a more familiar one; every time the shot fades, the camera pans and the credits roll, there's something I always think:

'I wish I'd written that.'

 

 

With every ounce of my being, I love this programme. It's like my baby, my happy place and the thing I go to when all I need is comfort and to shed a few too many tears. Admittedly, it will make you cry, it will make you laugh, and more than likely, it'll make you go through a 'I want to be a doctor' phase, (but then again, I went through all that in my Grey's addiction.) So, it's brilliant. And my one true talent in life seems to be gushing about things I love (hey, could be worse, couldn't it?) As you can guess, I'm feeling a bit lost now. The final credits began to roll and I wanted to shout out and scream a negation of sorts, something to stop the end, cling onto the characters and envisage a new, perhaps more fitting, more satisfying ending for me. I can't remember the last time I was so attached to a programme, or so invested in it's characters. Private Practise has at times, been my salvation, and other times, my suffering. Lots of snacks, black coffee and tears later, through six whole seasons, two name changes, thousands of confessions, tense moments and happy celebrations. Here we are. The end is nigh. I'm blank, numb, empty. This is how all the best shows should leave you feeling; if they don't leave a bitter taste of nostalgia in your mouth, they haven't been worth the time.

 

 

 



Running in blind.

I trust you and maybe I shouldn't. Then again, maybe that's okay. Maybe I'm finally looking on the Bright Side of things, for good reason. Maybe. I'm not sure. But I can't be totally sure about anything. Everyone in my life, (okay, a fair few) are telling me one thing, but the feeling welling up in the pit of my stomach is pointing me in a different direction altogether. It's urging me to follow my heart. For once, take the risk and ignore what's at stake, because what I've got to gain is so much more important. I realise that. I know it. I  to take the risk. I'm just terrified of doing just that, and then, what if I'm wrong, and everything falls apart, and what if my support system fails me this time. What if they refuse to just pick up the pieces one more time? I don't know, I sometimes wouldn't blame them. 

Despite this, I'll follow my heart. (Soppy comment alert. Let's all cringe together!) In the very wise words of Meredith Grey;

"...knowing is better than wondering, waking up is better than sleeping, and that even the biggest failure, even the worst, most intractable mistake, beats the hell out of never trying."

I'm running in blind, but so what? Don't we do that every day?

Look at me like that.

"It's always been you, Rach."

It's universal. Even if you don't openly admit it, everyone loves the feeling- knowing that someone cares about them, that someone would break their arm or their neck to make sure you're happy, safe and well. It's an indescribable feeling, knowing that you matter to someone. Matter, in a positive sense, not just in a I-appreciate-that-someone-is-there-to-serve-me-my-coffee-or-drive-my-bus presence, but someone who feels connected to you in a personal way. We all want it. That feeling that we actually matter to someone. When you read that, you probably thought of someone immediately. That is this person. That is the someone who you wish/want/does care about you, probably more than words can say, and you love it. Maybe openly, maybe guiltily or maybe shyly, but it's probable that on some level, you do.

                                                I just can't get enough of Meredith and Derek.

I want someone to look at me like there's nothing around them, and I'm the centre focus of their entire vision. The way Ross looks at Rachel. The way Tony looks at Ziva (NCIS). The way, undeniably, Harry looks at Sally (way before they get together!) The way Derek looks at Meredith (Grey's Anatomy), with nothing but admiration, love and devotion in his eyes. The way Caleb looks at Hanna (Pretty Little Liars) when he wraps his arms around her waist, or the way Liam loves Annie (90210) and always has and always will. That look. The moment Kevin Doyle admits he loves during weddings- the way the groom looks at his bride as she walks down the aisle; just like the way he will later look at Jane. (27 Dresses)

                                            Gatsby and Daisy, probably the most tumultuous

 couple of all.

There are hundreds of pairings like this, all well-known in their own way. Austin Ames and Sam Montgomery (A Cinderella Story) Chandler and Monica, Gatsby and Daisy, on an ironic note: Leo and Kate (both in Titanic and Revolutionary Road) Carrie and Big, Bridget Jones and Mark Darcy, Elizabeth and Mr Darcy, Abby Richter and Mike Chadway, Emma Morley and Dexter Mayhew. These are, probably my favourite on-screen or literary pairings, all sharing one main trait. The look. They've all done it, either on paper or on screen, they've stared into the eyes of their one true love, and metaphorically, the blurring began. Everything else disappears. The moment takes over, and for just a few seconds, nothing else matters, nothing else is of any consequence. It's just the two of them, in the heat of the moment, recognising that that glance, is worth more than can be put into words, that glance, is what everyone everywhere longs for, the glance that will change your perspective, or change your life. The glance, that, for all intents and purposes, is sometimes, everything you'll ever need.

Always on the edge of my seat, waiting for the day Tony and Ziva 

finally submit to their desires.