Monday 3 November 2014

Don't walk away.

There's nothing like it. 
You scream "That's it! You walk away from me and it's over." 

The tears burn and something makes you test the waters and see what happens. It's the stubbornness inside you. The stubbornness you always claim to never own, nor recognise in your own reflection. The pride you so vainly possess. The need for reassurance. Your feet make your legs move, but there's some reluctance in each step. Your wounded face expression fades as I disappear, slamming the door behind me. Tears roll down my cheeks. My stomach plummets and my heart lodges in my windpipe uncomfortably. I can't breathe properly. I choke back the tears and try to prevent my eye make up from cascading down my cheeks. My attempt fails. My head and my heart fight silently with each other. My back to the door, I suddenly move. I peel myself up from my crouched position. Something makes me do it. I walk on autopilot. Out of the door, along the corridor, and pray with every ounce of strength I have that you're where I left you standing. Your head in your hands. You look distraught. You look crumpled. You look gutted. You don't see me coming. Or hear my gentle footsteps. And then the pull kicks in. I run towards you, and wrap my arms around you, and my tears begin once more. 

"I'm sorry. I love you." 

You look up at me, your eyes look sad, but behind that, there's a sort of relief. A thank-god-she-came-back sort of look. I gulp hard. 

"I'm sorry too. I didn't mean it, any of it." 

You wrap your arms around me so tight. I finally exhale properly. Relieved. Reassured. You kiss the top of my head, before leaning into my lips. 

"You don't get to walk away like that," you tell me. 

Beneath the tears and the smudged make up, I grin. Massively. My tears subside, as you take my hand. 
"Let's go. Looks like we both need a drink." 

I nod, and a secure smile settles on my face once more. 

There's something wonderful, beautiful, and utterly terrifying about having someone you can't live without. There's something even more beautiful, wonderful and terrifying in finding out they feel exactly the same way.

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