Wednesday, 11 December 2013

I'd probably still adore you with your hands around my neck.

Little miss negative has just plummeted to the depths of despair and thank god there's surely no further to fall. I'm overly pessimistic, I keep picking faults with everything I do, I'm lazy and I put everything off, and I'm pretty hopeless at times. I bite my nails and stress a lot, I let stupid things get to me, I'm clumsy and dull and I have days I don't even want to get out of bed or see anyone. I push away the people who care about me, and pull the ones who end up hurting me even closer. I'm naive and gullible and people take advantage of that. I'm quiet beneath a shouty exterior. I'm uncomfortable around people I don't know, so if you know the silly things about me, I must really trust you, so don't make me regret that. I take things too literally, I have the worst laugh in the world, and I don't look in the mirror and like what I see. I have a bit of an addictive personality. I can't function without coffee and enough sleep. I'm thoughtless at times, I can be selfish and self-motivated. I don't think before I speak or act and then have to deal with the unexpected consequences. I don't think full-stop sometimes. I'm ditsy and clumsy and a little bit stubborn. I'm shy and cagey at times. I don't confide in many people these days. I spend too much money and I'm constantly living outside my means. I have about six people outside of my family I'd trust with my life. I'm horrifically insecure sometimes. I wake up with no confidence some days, and other days, it's there in abundance. I don't ever like to share my personal writing. I'm shit scared of taking important risks. I have a couple of irrational fears. There aren't that many people who have my back. I shout when I need to whisper and then can't find my voice when I really need to speak up. This might seem like a list of negativity, pessimism, faults. In one respect it is, in another, it's my venting process for today. All of this is true. Very true. There's things I don't write and never will probably, because there are certain things I don't want anyone to read, even if they are very close to me, or, differently, total strangers. This is my risk. My outward splurge of who i see myself as, who I am, and the things I shrug off every single day. I suppose what I'm saying is, everyone has their demons, and here are some of mine. Enjoy, hate or revel in them, I frankly couldn't give a damn. 
x

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