Black Friday.

Well here it is. The day everyone goes mad and throws themselves in a tantrum if someone else gets what you're dashing for, supposedly. I dunno, maybe I'm just thinking of Monica's wedding dress fiasco in Friends, who knows. Poised with my debit card, and an attitude of patience (it's hard, believe me.) I love shopping, and with a few bits and pieces still to buy to finish my Christmas shopping, I'm about to hammer the sales. With a positive mental attitude, and a determined mind, I'm ready for all the crowds, impatience and noise, queues and cashiers who I'm very sympathetic towards. Wish me luck. Happy shopping everyone! :)

It's all over.

Well, this is it. We're officially waving a fond, nostalgic little farewell to Christmas 2013 and yet, are stuck in the limbo that is the six days between it and the new year. A new era. A new start, full of fresh prospects and opportunities. January sales. Also, January spells end. No more christmas tree, fairy lights, or gift-wrap. No more drinking cava at 3 in the afternoon because "it's Christmas!" The tins of celebrations only have the bounty's left, the weather goes from bad to worse, and getting out of bed for work, school or uni becomes almost too much to handle. It's grim. It's out with the seasonal stuff and in with the real-life. Full-force back to sensible. For me, it seems like I've been partying and lazing around since about May. Exams ended, along with uni, and summer was full of parties and long lie-ins, light nights and suntans. As autumn arrived, we held onto the memory of summertime with an intense sort of nostalgia. The hottest summer we'd had in years. It seemed so bittersweet, so unfair, that now it had all been snatched from our grasp so viciously. Autumn turned to winter, December arrived and received a mixed reception. Panic-buying was at it's highest. And then the dreaded day. The one day everyone is left wondering what to do. Today is 27th December. The day after Boxing Day. Sales are in full-swing, families are back in their own beds and the January blues are peeking over the horizon. I'm deciding to take it all with a pinch of salt and an overly-enthusiastic smile. Let's get optimistic people. 

"I'm...happy."

Yes, there you go. I said it. There are nervous butterflies nestling in the pit of my stomach as I type it. It's like as soon as I've said that, it's just tempting fate. It seems like every time I say that, catch myself thinking it or anything, something always comes along and turns the tables. For every glimpse I get into that place called happiness, I spend what seems like hours in the dark depths of despair, so saying it, and not being (as) afraid of doing so, is a big step for me. Hell, it's a huge step for me. I think I've genuinely smiled recently so much that my relatives are starting to realise how miserable I had been. 

The last few days, 72 hours or so, have been just wonderful. I now laugh every time I hear that word, because when my mam and dad got married some twenty years ago, my dad got tongue-tied in his speech, and just said everything was "wonderful." So, now I smile l every time. It's nice. Christmas Eve, this year, broke any previous tradition I had become accustomed to. The usual night spent in front of the fire and the telly, watching Christmas films, wearing new Christmas pyjamas, that all fizzled out-ish. That's okay, though. My twenty year old self made plans to go out for the first time ever. Christmas Eve, little did we know, would be one of the most heaving nights of the year in our home town. For a rather small place, Chester has it's fair share of pubs, and the nights out are fab. While you can't walk twenty steps without seeing someone you know, whether that's a blessing or a curse still remains to be seen. I, however, have always kinda liked that. The friendliness. The familiarity. Knowing that there's always someone you can talk to, over a coffee, a glass of wine, or a tequila or two. (Okay, side-tracked. Sorry, I've been drinking.) 

So yes, Christmas Eve was busy. That's a huge understatement but it doesn't matter. A good night was had by all. I spent Christmas Day, just like I do every year, at my grandma Juney's, where she cooks an amazing dinner, and the whole family spend the day laughing, drinking and reminiscing. Today saw round two happen. Boxing Day for some means early morning sales, going back to work or simply just going out to carry on drinking. For my family, it's like a second Christmas Day, except with tonnes more food and we swap the cava for anything and everything. By the time the evening wound down, and everyone began to leave, I caught myself smiling. Not a grin, a smirk or a laugh, just a half, happy smile. It had all gone well. No glitches, nothing. Just surrounding ourselves with loved ones and appreciating every minute of it. 

Tired, a bit tipsy, and totally run-down, I'm wrapped up in bed and just feeling a tad elated. Things are just how they should be. My chest is tight, as if I'm struggling to catch my breath, my stomach feels like it's in my throat, and my face hurts because I simply cannot stop smiling. I lie here now fully aware of how lucky I am, and how I must always cherish what I have. Soppy but I honestly mean every word. I'm all mixed up, but it's a kind of good confusion. When everything is going right. Every single thing in my life seems to be fitting right into place (touch wood.) Finally. I won't lie, I even said it out loud today, uni lately has made me miserable. A lot of things made me miserable. I burst into tears this morning when my mam spoke to me because I felt down about something. I've just been so unnecessarily stressed. I can't help it. It's not even that I hate uni, or my life or anything, the serious truth is, I just can't handle pressure. Stress of any kind causes me so much heartache. I mean, it's actually dangerous. It actually got to the point a few weeks back where my parents were going to take me to see a doctor. Yes. I just wrote that. I don't know why anyone needs to know that. Maybe I don't want people to. But hey, it seems I'm carrying on writing..so. I can't handle stress. I get irate and teary and just kind of break down. Needless to say, I should probably work on that. But it's all to one side. It's out of the picture. 

Happy days are in full swing. I passed my uni assignments I stressed so much about. My family are closer than before and I feel like I'm making the effort to be a nicer person, oh and..nah. I won't mention the third, although I kind of want to. I suppose there's something of a private life I should keep private, for now, at least. I'm ready for the new year and whatever it brings. I know I'll be seeing it in the only way I know how, bad renditions of auld lang syne and lots of alcohol, with my favourite people. Nothing can beat genuine happiness. That's all anyone should ever wish for. 

Meeting deadlines.

Its as one of my best Friends would say, (yes. Phoebe Buffay does count) "merry Christmas Eve eve!" Tomorrow is the day that every child waits eagerly for, stockings out, a drink for Santa and lots of presents wrapped cosily under the tree. Songs constantly playing, traditions in full-swing. Excitement is brewing. It's only a matter of hours until December 25th, and everyone is getting frantic. Whether you're one of these overly organised people, with all of their gifts bought, wrapped and hidden, or, instead, you're burying your head in the sand and trying not to think about how many presents you still need to panic-buy. I'm somewhere in the middle of this. I have one or two things I still could potentially need, or could buy. My bank account is gasping in shock every time I charge another item it's way, after months of attempting and failing to pace myself with regards to my lovely student loan. (What can I say..) 

So as I started thinking of the limited time until Christmas, and then caught sight of my blog view count. There's around 8300 views since March this year, when I started blogging for real. I'm shocked and chuffed that I've got anywhere near a figure like that. It baffles me that anyone would like to read the stuff I write, I mean, it's not like it's overly literary or profound. It's just truth. Mostly anyway. None of what I write is dishonest, it's just I don't tell full truths in certain situations. So, this is my dreamed up target. I hope to, and I am determined to, keep my blogging up next year, and hopefully get somewhere with my personal writing. I'd perhaps, quite naively like to reach a huge, 10,000 blog views to see the new year in. I know that's ambitious, but I am. Let's give it a go. Get reading. Pass my link on if you're feeling nice. Let me know if there's something you particularly enjoyed reading. I want to know! Gimme some help if you can :) 

Let's get seasonal.

Somehow, while I've been blinking, staring vainly into a mirror or tweeting something, Christmas has arrived (well, almost!) Less than four days until everyone goes all super-festive and splashes out on turkey crowns and lots of stuffing, Christmas crackers with bad jokes in and of course, stupid hats. Whether you're a fan of this time of year or you're more negatively known as a total Scrooge, there is something kind of magical about it. 

I love Christmas (even though I hate winter.) The happy smiling faces, the tinsel everywhere and the endless reel of festive music played everywhere you go. It seems I can't even go to the shop without hearing someone attempt a BandAid tribute act sporting tatty, bad-fitting Santa hats. It's lovely though, right? Maybe that's just me. All the silly, stupid, eccentric kind of things are all acceptable at this time of year. Spending an unnatural amount of time in close proximity with family, some of which you will probably only see twice in the coming year. The extortionate shopping sprees leaving hundreds of people in debt to enter the new year, because treating anyone and everyone you know is an absolute must on December 25th. The only time anyone dares to wake me up early and doesn't have to fear the wrath of my sharp tongue. From Jack Frost to The Santa Clause, the festive films just seem to be shown on a loop. Fireworks, food and family. Exchanging gifts, spending time with the most special people in my life and just having some time to really reflect on the year gone by, whether it be good, bad or downright ugly. 

So, I'm currently wrapped up in bed watching QI and Mock The Week repeats and humming along to a Christmas song I can't even place now. A smile is resting ever so slightly on my lips. Four days to go. A matter of hours. The shops are going mad. Everyone is frantic. Wrapping paper, cellotape and batteries have never been in higher demand. There's so many fairy lights donned around some streets that it's only a matter of time until they fuse the national grid or the leccy company shut them off as a sign of bad will. 

I'm making Christmas Eve plans to go out, for the first time ever. The first year I'm celebrating Christmas no longer a teenager. Heidi's first Christmas. The first time I've been really unprepared, and I have to be honest, I'm nowhere near as excited as I should be. Fair enough, I'm the big 2-0 now, but still. It's still a special time of year, and I'm thinking of changing my name to Ebenezer unless I start slapping a smile on my face and feeling the spirit. (And no, that's not alcoholic spirit, to my dismay.) The counting has truly begun, everyone is having the will-it/won't-it snow debate and waiting for 25th with bated breath, butterflies and the occasional beer. 

I'm getting there. There's nothing better than spending three days straight with your family talking and reminiscing and exchanging gifts and drinking and eating your own body weight in gorgeous food. 2013 has had it's ups and downs, highs and lows, and I don't know whether I should be nostalgic or relieved to see the back of it. I lost someone special this year, made a hell of a lot of bad choices, and a few good ones. I've made friends and the occasional enemy. I've had a lot of firsts, and hopefully not any lasts. I love and cherish everyone in my life, and I never want to lose them. So, here's to you all. If you're even half as happy as me come Christmas Day, you'll have a wonderful time I'm sure. Whatever you're doing, whether it's a wild party, or a quiet affair, a family reunion or just a peaceful close-knit Christmas, enjoy it. Appreciate everything, especially this time of year. So pens down people, it's officially on it's way. Turn the music on, the heating up and crack open the alcohol. Now that's an entirely different meaning to a merry Christmas. 

x

Duffy Moon did it!

Okay it's 5 to five, I've been up about twelve hours already. Exhausted, stressed to death, totally and utterly worn out. My heels are trailing, my eyelids are dropping and all I want is a massive Chinese and a strong drink, and a spooning partner. Sounds blissful to me. Today was one of the most stressful days of my life so far. My first real degree-level (if you actually call it that) exam that counts towards my final grade, and the last day of my first semester as a second-year student at Northumbria uni. Don't get me wrong, I can't fault it, it's just I'm so stressy that it's got me really down lately, but that's more of a personal problem than something to do with my degree itself. 

So today is, as many, if not all of you know, Friday 13th and as of yet, *touch wood* I haven't experienced anything other than extremely good luck. My exam went well, to my utmost relief, I calmed myself down and did what I believed was my best. I collected my two assignments and got 2:1s in both, which I'm so happy about. I'm finally, it seems, able to breathe again. I've felt so suffocated as of late, and it had got to the point of total utter misery. With some wonderful people to cheer me up, encourage me, and hand me the occasional drink (or revision notes) I got through it. I made it. I did what I was stressing so much about. Panic stations weren't necessary. My phone has been inundated with "good luck" followed by "well done" and "I knew you could do it!" And of course, the special one off my grandma Juney, which reads "hope the exam went ok. You CAN do it Duffy Moon!" so, I guess she's right, I can and hopefully, I have. 

Eventually home, after exams, assignment collection and a few too many intense hours of Christmas shopping, I'm now lying sprawled lazily on my bed, staring at the ceiling feeling happy and dazed.  I have no plans for tonight even though I've spent all week striving to make some involving a disgusting amount of alcohol, but I'm kinda okay with that. I'm tired and hungry, and chilling may seem like the perfect way to end a very stressful, important day for me. Tomorrow, that means, I'm getting drunk and stupid, with some lush people, so if you are reading this and not planning to be out getting messy with me tomorrow, I'd really like you to. Certain people definitely are who I have in mind. So, lazy time today and celebrations tomorrow. I can't wait to just sit back and enjoy Christmas festivities surrounded by people I know and love (my dad says I'm soppy, he's so right isn't he?) I'm so happy right now, I feel like I'm spaced out, but in a good way. I haven't really come to terms with the fact that I have the next seven weeks off, to do what I like, socialise and just see the new year in in style. Plus, there's someone who could really potentially make me very happy (soppy alert again) so I'm feeling overly optimistic, and yes, I promise I'm not under the influence narcotics of any kind, I just am genuinely happy. 

Breathe easy.

Well that's it. My poetry assignment has been handed in, a dreaded eighty lines that took me much longer than it should have. Eighty sodding lines that caused me a lot of aggro, stress and headaches, but now, I can breathe, if only temporarily. The real tester will be Friday. The dreaded unlucky 13th has, for some sick reason, been the day that our Early Modern Cultures exam has been assigned to. The joys, ey? I'm not at all prepared, and a little bit too tired to put in the right amount of effort. The sooner 11.30 on Friday morning arrives, the better, in my opinion. 

I keep saying it, but the tequila will be got in at the bar. I'm deadly serious. Even if it is before 12pm, I think it's someone's duty to have a little tipple waiting for me as a congratulations it's all over kinda thing. Yeah, we've established I do not hold up well under pressure, so you probably know, uni is making me a lb even more miserable version of myself. On the upside, I'm starting to get into the Christmas spirit. I've just purchased a few gifts to begin with, and still have quite a few more to go. The decorations are up, the fairy lights are shining and even the pubs have started playing Christmas songs at 2am amidst broken glass and dirty pints. I'm smiling and getting excited to spend time with my family and friends, and of course, the very amazing Christmas dinner prepared by one of my fave peoples on the planet, (MASSIVE SHOUTOUT TO THE LEGEND THAT IS MY GRANDMA JUNEY!) so, happy times are coming in full-force. Plus, I kinda think I'm about to be very happy indeed. Surrounded by people I really need and want in my life. I'm so lucky. I can breathe. 

21 days and counting.

So, I've heard Fairytale of New York about half a dozen times today, there's a tree and lots of tinsel adorning many houses, and advent calendars have begun to be opened, or in some cases, demolished guiltily on December 1st. (We've all done it, don't lie.) The Americans across the water have celebrated thanksgiving, cards are being sent and received and panic-buying for the festive season is at an all-time high. Yes, I suppose the Christmas countdown really has begun. Excitement fills the air as many children cross off the days until Santa arrives, and adults make plans of festive cheer and buy shed loads of Christmassy food and crates of alcohol to see in the new year. 

All of this hustle and bustle, and the imminence of snow, has got me thinking about the ending of one year, and the anticipation of another. As of midnight on January 1st, we will be in 2014. Kind of has a good ring to it, doesn't it? I'm sort of looking forward to it. Maybe because (it's no secret) I love the run up to new year, the organisation, the making plans, the fresh start, clean slate, all that kind of sentimental bullshit bandied about all over greetings cards, fridge magnets and social networks. It's kind of true though. There's something quite liberating about drinking your way into a new year, a new beginning, full of possibilities and new opportunities. Everyone's singing and swaying to Auld Lang Syne with alcoholic beverages in their hands, messily entering a new year. It's just wonderful.

I'm never overly strict with New Years resolutions, but this year, I'm going to make a concerted effort to stick to it. So you're thinking, with bated breath, 'what now?' Well, I'm not planning on anything too unrealistic or unachievable, just this: my New Years resolution is to be a nicer person. Yes, I'm going to make the effort to be a kinder, more helpful, thoughtful individual in 2014. I'm going to try and be selfless where I can, and show the lovely people in my life how much I value and appreciate their presence. Nice and profound ey? Well, who can blame me? It's something a lot of people should work on. I've got one or two people in mind when I say that but I won't give them the satisfaction of naming them. 

So that's mine, what's yours? Or do you have more than one, or an entire list? I imagine that closer to the time, I'll end up compiling a '2014 To Do List' because I'm just the most neurotic person ever, but that's all I've got for now. Anyway, that'd be different. I'm intrigued what everyone else has in mind for a New Years resolution, so let me know. Tweet me: @eleanorward_ or send me a message/comment on here. I'm interested.